Who do you tell yourself that you are? Examples: "I am a runner, I eat healthy, I am sober, I am kind to myself, I am disciplined."
Once we understand what boundaries are, it is easy to get fired up about setting boundaries with other people. However, the real work with boundaries starts with setting them with ourselves.
Think about the actual patterns of how you move through a day, a week, a month. One way to help with this reflection is to use an app like “Streaks.” Habit tracking apps are a simple way to log how often you do the habits or behaviors that you want to be a part of who you are. And, they tell the truth about who we really are based on our actions.
Henry Cloud says, “External problems are easier to deal with than internal problems.” And, he is SO right. I have no problem saying, “You need to fix yourself,” . . . to someone else – Haha. But looking inward is so much more uncomfortable!
Sometimes who we tell ourselves that we are, and our true actions, are very different things. Doing work around our own personal boundaries requires a lot of self compassion. Self compassion looks like being a really good and kind friend to ourselves. So be gentle, patient, and kind to yourself and know that this is hard work for everyone!
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